Neverland
I never imagined myself to be this person. Its a weird feeling to start seeing the world in a whole new way. To everything change. But the more you open your eyes, the more there is to see (and the more there is that can blind).
When I was younger, I felt smug. I was better then most people and I could be a great friend and have a great life..if only someone would give me the time to get to know me. Things were going ok at the start, I was doing ok..in a materialistic sense. Yet, I always doubted myself. I could never be good enough, I never was good enough. As the years go by, people started to fade away. I always thought that the people I knew were never good enough. That they were bad for me.
Were they?
It seems that, I'm wrong. They all were willing - and trying but I would not show anything. No one would get the real me. So who can blame them?
I've grown up emotionally and thanks to some people I was able to kick start some parts of me. Almost like a second awakening. But why is it, that by feeling like I'm growing up, makes me feel so much like a kid. I have no idea about anything. Who am I! It seems like things I think I want, I can't accept. The sadness grows, its a blanket I carry and cuddle to as I wander through these dark streets. There is so much I hate about myself, is it because its bad or simply because I refuse to see it and I will hide away from anything that would argue against it. For we all know, that for something to be real and right, it has to be perfect.
I always argued there is no black and white, things are never simple and that you can be whatever because there really are no definitions that make a final definition. Yet here I am, thinking I have to be perfect in every way..
Otherwise.
I am wrong.
Media player on random, song playing currently: Just (from Radiohead). Quite fitting with these lyrics..
"You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
You do it to yourself, just you"
Will I always try to act like someone else, even if I am them, just because I am scared I would not sound like them?
Tell me I'm stupid
Just don't say I can do it, tell me the truth. It will be hard
Tags: life, pain, sadness, world, growing up, emotional, see,,
When I was younger, I felt smug. I was better then most people and I could be a great friend and have a great life..if only someone would give me the time to get to know me. Things were going ok at the start, I was doing ok..in a materialistic sense. Yet, I always doubted myself. I could never be good enough, I never was good enough. As the years go by, people started to fade away. I always thought that the people I knew were never good enough. That they were bad for me.
Were they?
It seems that, I'm wrong. They all were willing - and trying but I would not show anything. No one would get the real me. So who can blame them?
I've grown up emotionally and thanks to some people I was able to kick start some parts of me. Almost like a second awakening. But why is it, that by feeling like I'm growing up, makes me feel so much like a kid. I have no idea about anything. Who am I! It seems like things I think I want, I can't accept. The sadness grows, its a blanket I carry and cuddle to as I wander through these dark streets. There is so much I hate about myself, is it because its bad or simply because I refuse to see it and I will hide away from anything that would argue against it. For we all know, that for something to be real and right, it has to be perfect.
I always argued there is no black and white, things are never simple and that you can be whatever because there really are no definitions that make a final definition. Yet here I am, thinking I have to be perfect in every way..
Otherwise.
I am wrong.
Media player on random, song playing currently: Just (from Radiohead). Quite fitting with these lyrics..
"You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
You do it to yourself, just you"
Will I always try to act like someone else, even if I am them, just because I am scared I would not sound like them?
Tell me I'm stupid
Just don't say I can do it, tell me the truth. It will be hard
Tags: life, pain, sadness, world, growing up, emotional, see,,
